No words.

I just had to say the phrase "Gideon, stop licking your toes and grabbing your penis or snuggle time is over."
I just...Wow.

crayons and sisters.

Jeph: Gideon please stop breaking the crayons.
Gideon: I can't!
Jeph: why not?
Gideon: because it's how they get their sister back!

Me: ....what?!

That's what boys do.

I gave Gideon a pear that he had asked for. Of course, I sliced it up for easy eating. I walk out of the room for a few minutes to do some cleaning and I come back to find the pear has been put into my water bottle. I asked Gideon why he put the pear in the bottle.

"Because I am a boy and boys do that."

...Fair enough.

Bambi Moment.

Boy, after soccer: "Can we watch Transformers when we get home?" 

Jeph: "What if we were to watch a long movie with the Transformers in it?" [The 1986 movie] 

Boy: "Yeah!!! We can do that. I wanna see the one with Optimus!" 

Jeph: "Ummm... how about we stick to the ones on Netflix?"

Narrow escape, that. Don't want him to have that "Bambi moment" too soon.

Hello, Freud

We're all hanging out in our bedroom (boy was stalling on taking his shower) when he found my "Action Figure Freud." (AFF) No big deal, right? So he's playing with the toy Freud and says "Where's his Mommy?"
Jeph: He doesn't have his mommy anymore?
Gideon: Is he trying to find his Mommy?
Jeph and Me (in unison): In a matter of speaking...*Giggles*
Gideon: Is he looking for a new mommy?
Us (again, in unison): Basically, yea.
**Continues randomly playing with AFF randomly.**
Gideon: What's his name?
Me: Freud
Gideon: What does he do? Does he turn into a truck? (begins pretending to throw the plasic cigar from Freud onto me).
Me: *chuckling* No babe. He's just a plastic figure He doesn't do much. In fact, Freud was a real person and now they make a toy to look like him. He was important to history and shaped how we do lots of stuff today.
Gideon: Oh.
*a few seconds go by*
Gideon: So...He's a robot!

That's about where I lose it and Gideon starts using AFF to attack me saying "I'm the bad guy. I will get you Mommy."

You really can't make this stuff up.

midnight oddities

I am in bed right now. My boys are sleeping next to me. Gideon just jammed his finger in my nose and another finger in my eye. A minute later he mumbled/cried "where is my cold toast??" I tried to move his finger but he shouted 'no!' and began snoring again.

I am oddly fine with this since his father is snoring 10x as loud. What Gideon is doing is far less bothersome.

Boat food

Gideon comes running into our bedroom:

G: Mommayyy!
Me: Yes bug? What's up?
G: Do boats eat water?
Me: No, they don't.
G: Okay!!
*He runs away then comes back*
G: But they are in water. They don't eat the water?
Me: Nope. They float on the water. They eat fuel, sort of like a car.
G: Oh!
*runs away satisfied.*

What should we be for Halloween?

A couple nights ago, we took Gideon out to get his Halloween costume (he ended up with 2...). Here's the conversation that transpired in the car:

Jeph: Gideon what should I dress up as for Halloween?
Gideon: Daddy, you dress up as me. I will dress up as a dinosaur.
Jeph: What about Mommy? What should she dress up as?
Gideon: **thinking for a minute** Mommy can be a balloon.

Only daddy can help

• Gideon (stops playing soccer and screams) Daddayyyy! dad! daddy! 
• Me: daddy is talking to a friend now. I can help. what's up? 
• no! not you! you cannot help! go get daddy!
•     **soccer moms grumpily staring at me**
• **I go get Jeph**
• Jeph: what's up little man?
• *signing a letter* Daddy what letter is this? 
• Jeph: that is a 'G'.
• Gideon: Okay! 
• *runs off ro play soccer.* 
• ...I still got grumpy looks from moms...

Auckland booby

Jeph: Hey Gideon, tell mommy *Whispers in boy's ear*

Gideon: **I can't understand a thing he says. Repeats it 5x then says:

"Almond face with an Auckland Booby."

Me: *Staring at Jeph* huh?

Jeph: He was supposed to say "LA face with an Oakland booty."

I will help you Mommy!

Tonight I came home from work to a boy who remembered I said he could sleep in our bed IF he was good for his Nana and Daddy. "Mommy I was good allllll day!" He was super cute about it all, too. So, I'm getting ready for bed and I go to take of my shirt (I had a tanktop on underneath) and I must be tired, because I get stuck in my shirt. I shout "HELP!" The idea was to get Jeph to come help me get un-stuck. What do I hear though?
 "OKAY MOMMY! I come help you now! Wait! I need to get my 'dined-o-sore."
SO there I am, standing in the hallway with my shirt up over my head and Gideon tries to get on top of his 2-ft tall dinosaur and falls over, gets mad at said dinosaur and says "Hey! NO! dinosaur, don't do that to people!"

Finally, Jeph rescues me from my flannel shirt and now all is good with the world.

To whine or not to whine...

Gideon: Fussing that he wants to go upstairs.
Me:Gideon, I need you to stop whining. we will go upstairs soon. First we have to see the office ladies (need to re-sign our annual lease).
G: NOOOOO I am not whining!
Jeph: you sure about that?
G: no! I said No I am not whining! grrrrrr!