Morning Conversations

My favorite time of day is before I even get out of bed. Gideon comes into our room and snuggles up with me for about 30 minutes before demanding food. This morning his first words:


"Mommy, what sound do hamsters make?"
Me: Kinda like this (I tried to make little squeaks and such).
Gideon: NO. that's not it. I think daddy can do it.
Me: I can try again...
Gideon: No. I need toast. Get me toast.

Spiders

Today, I had this conversation with Gideon while driving in the car:

Gideon: "Mommy! Look what I'm making!" (he was making fingerprint things on his window.

Me: "What is that, Bug?" 
G: I'm making a spider!
Me: ewww! Spiders are scary!
G: No they aren't! I love spiders! 
Me: Oh, that's good! I don't want you scared of them.
G: Are you scared because they will eat you? 
Me: Ahh! No. They don't eat people.
G: No, Mommy. They will eat *YOU*. 
Now I am terrified to sleep. or anything. Is there something on me? Ahhh.

No words.

I just had to say the phrase "Gideon, stop licking your toes and grabbing your penis or snuggle time is over."
I just...Wow.

crayons and sisters.

Jeph: Gideon please stop breaking the crayons.
Gideon: I can't!
Jeph: why not?
Gideon: because it's how they get their sister back!

Me: ....what?!

That's what boys do.

I gave Gideon a pear that he had asked for. Of course, I sliced it up for easy eating. I walk out of the room for a few minutes to do some cleaning and I come back to find the pear has been put into my water bottle. I asked Gideon why he put the pear in the bottle.

"Because I am a boy and boys do that."

...Fair enough.

Bambi Moment.

Boy, after soccer: "Can we watch Transformers when we get home?" 

Jeph: "What if we were to watch a long movie with the Transformers in it?" [The 1986 movie] 

Boy: "Yeah!!! We can do that. I wanna see the one with Optimus!" 

Jeph: "Ummm... how about we stick to the ones on Netflix?"

Narrow escape, that. Don't want him to have that "Bambi moment" too soon.

Hello, Freud

We're all hanging out in our bedroom (boy was stalling on taking his shower) when he found my "Action Figure Freud." (AFF) No big deal, right? So he's playing with the toy Freud and says "Where's his Mommy?"
Jeph: He doesn't have his mommy anymore?
Gideon: Is he trying to find his Mommy?
Jeph and Me (in unison): In a matter of speaking...*Giggles*
Gideon: Is he looking for a new mommy?
Us (again, in unison): Basically, yea.
**Continues randomly playing with AFF randomly.**
Gideon: What's his name?
Me: Freud
Gideon: What does he do? Does he turn into a truck? (begins pretending to throw the plasic cigar from Freud onto me).
Me: *chuckling* No babe. He's just a plastic figure He doesn't do much. In fact, Freud was a real person and now they make a toy to look like him. He was important to history and shaped how we do lots of stuff today.
Gideon: Oh.
*a few seconds go by*
Gideon: So...He's a robot!

That's about where I lose it and Gideon starts using AFF to attack me saying "I'm the bad guy. I will get you Mommy."

You really can't make this stuff up.